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"To Be A Man"
Claude AnShin Thomas

I have had many discussions with men about just what that means to be a man. It seems through these conversations that we live in time where there is a great deal of confusion regarding this issue. It seems to me that this hasn't always been the case. That there was a time when our role was much more clear or at least that is the impression of those I have talked with. You know, get married, have a family, provide for that family. Yes, be the provider, be the protector. Protect the weak, protect the innocent. Be the decision maker, be strong. Yes be strong!! All of these images these stereo types still pervade our sense of what we should be as men and as a result we suffer. And the truth is that these myths, these stereotypes never worked. As men living within the confines of these myths and stereotypes we eventually become bored and restless feeling disenfranchised and we begin to kill ourselves off with the distractions we create to give us identity, to give us meaning. There ought to be no confusion about who we are as men - we are men, it is that simple. It is not what we do that makes us men it is simply the fact that we are men. Our struggle, our difficulty is created as we attempt to live up to our myths and stereotypes, or as we attempt to create new ones that define how we need to be, how we need to behave to be men. Some examples of these myths: Men don't cry, or men don't display affection. That men must be in charge of their domain or that they must even have a domain to be in charge of. that men must participate in adrenalin pumping activities. That men can only truly bond through their sweat, through activities that involve physical aggressiveness. That men must be aggressive, dominate, etc., etc., etc. We all know these myths, these stereotypes of how we should behave to be men. It is at this point, it is here where the root of our confusion lies. It is in the belief that the answers to our confusion lie somewhere outside of ourselves. That if we do what we are supposed to we'll really be men; our identity provided. That we don't have to look at who we are as men (as hu-men) and whether this serves us and the world well, and if not then what. The what is then that we must take responsibility for our lives, throw away the myths and live life within it's (life's) reality.

In fact it is true that if we simply adopt the old myths or new ones then we do indeed have an identity. The problem is that the myths, the stereotypes often have nothing to do with living in reality but really only the creation of an unreal reality and this then becomes the source of our confusion. Because always our myths and stereotypes stop working and the angst that drove us to them in our quest for identity is still present.

I now understand in my life this angst this confusion as suffering. Our suffering has many faces angst and confusion being 2 examples. We will never have a sense of identity though unless we look deeply into the nature of our suffering. Unless we stop turning away from our suffering, learn it's nature and how to hold it. As long as we seek answers to our confusion outside of ourselves we will continue to be confused. Why? Because the answers are not external, because the answers we seek we already have, they exist within us and can not be found unless we commit to waking up to the reality of our suffering. Once committed to this process we must do whatever possible to not perpetuate suffering in our lives, in our society, and in the world. It is also not possible to look at the nature of our suffering without living the Spiritual Reality of life. And here we must be cautious not to mistake spiritual reality with religion. They are not synonymous. Religion is the intellectualization of God where spirituality is the realization of God.

I understand that to introduce the word God into this text, into any text, is to invite controversy. So let me say just now that I use the word God because it is the most common, the most universal word I know. It is the most common, the most universal word that I have access to, that expresses a state of existence beyond the material, intellectual experience of humankind. You may, as you read this article, use any word you like to express this reality. The word is not important. The word is only a tool to give us a focal point. A point of awareness where all energy connects, a place of interconnectedness. A place where all things touch, share, bond. It is here in this place, in awareness where there is no question of who we are, we know. And this knowledge is not intellectual. This knowledge is true knowledge. It exists in a place beyond the intellect. This can be called the place of God, or the Dharma, the place of Jesus or the place of Shiva or whatever suits you, whatever you are comfortable with.

If we are to answer the ever present question of Who Am I then we must wake up to the nature of our suffering. And this can only be done by living within the Spiritual Reality of Life. We must recognize that the things that we do, the things that we have are merely ends to a means. That they are not the means. That whatever it is that we do to embrace the Spirituality Reality of Life (because when we ask the question, Who Am I , what we are really voicing through this question is our alienation from the Spiritual Reality of life) is merely a tool to help us in the process of it's (the Spiritual Reality of Life) actualization. And through the actualization of the Spiritual Reality of Life, living in this place, we can know the true nature of ourselves, the nature of our suffering. It is here that the question of Who Am I is answered.

Descartes stated: "I think therefore I am" but when living within the Spiritual Reality of Life we discover that "I am therefore I think"!!

What does it mean to be a man in this day and age is not the question because in truth we are men in this day and age we simply must be. The question really is what must we do to wake up to the true nature of ourselves, what must we do to wake up to the nature of our suffering so that the process of healing can begin. It is at this point that we can begin to truly be and all questions are answered.

< Back | Short Stories & Essays | Next >

"To Be A Man"
Claude AnShin Thomas

I have had many discussions with men about just what that means to be a man. It seems through these conversations that we live in time where there is a great deal of confusion regarding this issue. It seems to me that this hasn't always been the case. That there was a time when our role was much more clear or at least that is the impression of those I have talked with. You know, get married, have a family, provide for that family. Yes, be the provider, be the protector. Protect the weak, protect the innocent. Be the decision maker, be strong. Yes be strong!! All of these images these stereo types still pervade our sense of what we should be as men and as a result we suffer. And the truth is that these myths, these stereotypes never worked. As men living within the confines of these myths and stereotypes we eventually become bored and restless feeling disenfranchised and we begin to kill ourselves off with the distractions we create to give us identity, to give us meaning. There ought to be no confusion about who we are as men - we are men, it is that simple. It is not what we do that makes us men it is simply the fact that we are men. Our struggle, our difficulty is created as we attempt to live up to our myths and stereotypes, or as we attempt to create new ones that define how we need to be, how we need to behave to be men. Some examples of these myths: Men don't cry, or men don't display affection. That men must be in charge of their domain or that they must even have a domain to be in charge of. that men must participate in adrenalin pumping activities. That men can only truly bond through their sweat, through activities that involve physical aggressiveness. That men must be aggressive, dominate, etc., etc., etc. We all know these myths, these stereotypes of how we should behave to be men. It is at this point, it is here where the root of our confusion lies. It is in the belief that the answers to our confusion lie somewhere outside of ourselves. That if we do what we are supposed to we'll really be men; our identity provided. That we don't have to look at who we are as men (as hu-men) and whether this serves us and the world well, and if not then what. The what is then that we must take responsibility for our lives, throw away the myths and live life within it's (life's) reality.

In fact it is true that if we simply adopt the old myths or new ones then we do indeed have an identity. The problem is that the myths, the stereotypes often have nothing to do with living in reality but really only the creation of an unreal reality and this then becomes the source of our confusion. Because always our myths and stereotypes stop working and the angst that drove us to them in our quest for identity is still present.

I now understand in my life this angst this confusion as suffering. Our suffering has many faces angst and confusion being 2 examples. We will never have a sense of identity though unless we look deeply into the nature of our suffering. Unless we stop turning away from our suffering, learn it's nature and how to hold it. As long as we seek answers to our confusion outside of ourselves we will continue to be confused. Why? Because the answers are not external, because the answers we seek we already have, they exist within us and can not be found unless we commit to waking up to the reality of our suffering. Once committed to this process we must do whatever possible to not perpetuate suffering in our lives, in our society, and in the world. It is also not possible to look at the nature of our suffering without living the Spiritual Reality of life. And here we must be cautious not to mistake spiritual reality with religion. They are not synonymous. Religion is the intellectualization of God where spirituality is the realization of God.

I understand that to introduce the word God into this text, into any text, is to invite controversy. So let me say just now that I use the word God because it is the most common, the most universal word I know. It is the most common, the most universal word that I have access to, that expresses a state of existence beyond the material, intellectual experience of humankind. You may, as you read this article, use any word you like to express this reality. The word is not important. The word is only a tool to give us a focal point. A point of awareness where all energy connects, a place of interconnectedness. A place where all things touch, share, bond. It is here in this place, in awareness where there is no question of who we are, we know. And this knowledge is not intellectual. This knowledge is true knowledge. It exists in a place beyond the intellect. This can be called the place of God, or the Dharma, the place of Jesus or the place of Shiva or whatever suits you, whatever you are comfortable with.

If we are to answer the ever present question of Who Am I then we must wake up to the nature of our suffering. And this can only be done by living within the Spiritual Reality of Life. We must recognize that the things that we do, the things that we have are merely ends to a means. That they are not the means. That whatever it is that we do to embrace the Spirituality Reality of Life (because when we ask the question, Who Am I , what we are really voicing through this question is our alienation from the Spiritual Reality of life) is merely a tool to help us in the process of it's (the Spiritual Reality of Life) actualization. And through the actualization of the Spiritual Reality of Life, living in this place, we can know the true nature of ourselves, the nature of our suffering. It is here that the question of Who Am I is answered.

Descartes stated: "I think therefore I am" but when living within the Spiritual Reality of Life we discover that "I am therefore I think"!!

What does it mean to be a man in this day and age is not the question because in truth we are men in this day and age we simply must be. The question really is what must we do to wake up to the true nature of ourselves, what must we do to wake up to the nature of our suffering so that the process of healing can begin. It is at this point that we can begin to truly be and all questions are answered.