Zaltho Foundation

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"Public Talk, Idylwild, CA,18 April 1999"
Claude AnShin Thomas

Siddhartha Gautama, who became Shakyamuni Buddha some 2500 years ago, was first a prince in India where his father tried to hide illness, old age and death from him by keeping him confined within the palace walls most of his life.

He eventually grew curious about these things, I mean, his father must've been growing old in front of his eyes and yet the king wasn't able to see that-so he started questioning his attendant about them. He then persuaded the attendant to violate his father's direct orders and take him outside. While walking outside they passed a funeral procession with a body all wrapped in cloth and people doing their song of mourning. Then he asked his attendant, 'What is this?" His attendant answered, 'This is death." Siddhartha had never touched on death. Although it's hard to imagine, because he was trained in many things, was a skilled archer and had gone hunting with his father. So, although he'd seen death, he didn't know what it was because he'd been sheltered from reality-he lived in a world of separateness.

At another time he snuck out of the castle and came across a person who was very thin, gaunt, and who's limbs were twisted. He said to the attendant, 'What's this?" 'It's a sick man," was the response. He was just overpowered with these images of sickness, old age, and death, and he was so moved by these experiences, that for a long period of time he sunk into a depression- that's my word...They describe it as a state of despair and sadness. And he was so moved by this state of despair and sadness, that he told his attendant 'I have to leave...I have to go and find a cure for sickness, old age and death...I have to find a way out of this."

At first his attendant was unwilling to help him, but Siddhartha told him if he didn't help him he was going to go anyway. So in fact, his attendant prepared his horse and covered his shoes with cloth so they wouldn't make any noise and he escorted him out to the edge of the city. At that point he got off his horse, took off all his clothes and his jewelry and just walked off into the wilderness. He gathered pieces of cloth from different sources, like cloth that had been used to bandage wounds, cloth that had been used to wrap the dead, and cloth that had been used for women's menstruation. He washed this cloth then buried it in the ground for a period of time. When he removed it, that's what he made his original robes from. This cloth is called "pom-suhva." In fact, all the clothes that I wear have been thrown away or have been given- I wear nothing that's been purchased...

What I see demonstrated in Siddhartha's initial steps was a commitment to wake up, a commitment to do things differently. The knowledge that there was something intrinsic in life that kept us trapped in those cycles of suffering, old age and death. And we can reach a point in our lives where the suffering of our lives becomes transformed...to where sickness, old age and death no longer become part of the cycle of suffering, but rather so much a part of the natural order of things, as these trees growing to maturity and passing away...Because everything is of the nature of dying-the recycling of all that is, the constant flow of the life-cycle. It's so difficult to see because we separate ourselves, much like in Siddhartha's younger life when his father kept him cloistered an isolated... it seems my whole life was about that-through the nature of my education in public schools, I was cloistered and isolated...

You know, I was just having a conversation with the son of someone connected with the Zen Mountain Center- he's in the navy stationed in San Diego and we were talking about the war in Kosovo. And it was very interesting to talk about it at a very pragmatic level- there is no military solution to the situation, none. And we've learned that already from our involvement in Vietnam and in other places... All these NATO forces are trying to 'bomb their way" into resolution, into peace- it's impossible, you can't do it, it doesn't work... When are we going to learn? When are we going to learn- what does it take? How many hundreds of thousands of people have to die, until we're willing to take the steps that young Siddhartha was willing to take? Really to step off into the unknown... To bear witness to the suffering in the world, which in manifest through our person... Then engage in a spiritual practice that will enable the transformation of the healing of that suffering. When are we willing to do that?

Healing doesn't come from outside. I can sit here and chant... until I'm a different shade of green, because I was told a few moments ago that I looked a little green (laughter). I could chant until I was a different shade and nothing would really change- that chanting is not going to fix things. How well I prostrate... this is not going to do it. It's my commitment to wanting to live my life differently. It's my commitment to really wake up to who I am, and live within the reality of my skin. To live with all that I am and not try to make it or shape it in any particular way- to just meet it where it is, to meet it just here.

This is what Buddhist practice empowers me to do...

As a 17 year- old boy I went to war in Vietnam...See I see myself as a 'boy" at 17. Now I engage with allot of young people, with what they call, 'young people at risk." I work with young people in gangs, who are living a violent life style and I look at them: 15, 16, 17, years old and they're 'hard" and I understand that hardness and I understand what they are attempting to do is to somehow deal with their sense of 'loss-ness," of powerlessness and the gun gives them 'juice," it gives them the illusion of power. But they're frightened boys, they're just young boys. Gosh I look at them at 17 years old and I cry. Because I can't even imagine myself at 17... I went to war at 17 and ended up a crew chief on a helicopter gun-ship and my responsibility was destruction-killing... At the age of 17 I was 'empowered" to make the decision if humans lived or died and I made it readily... and I sit here and tell you that I ideologically went to Vietnam with all these wonderful intentions. Within a week I realized it wasn't about any of that. All that nationalist rhetoric that I'd been raised and propagandized with... none of it had anything to do with what was actually happening at that time in that country. It wasn't about democracy and freedom- it was about destruction and killing, and at that point it was about survival. I've been responsible for destroying entire villages, for the deaths of all sort of sentient beings: men, women, children, animal, vegetation I had absolutely no contact with the reality of what I was doing, because I had been conditioned to see life not in an inter-connected way, but to experience life as a separate. Really I'd lost contact with my own person, because if we have contact with our self it's impossible not to recognize the inter-connectedness of all things-it's just not possible.
To live with the reality of the actions that I've been responsible for... is profound. The kind of healing that I sought was the elimination.. I thought once it's over, as I was told, you survive- it's over, you get on with your life, you're grateful...yet I wasn't grateful-I was angry, confused, isolated...and wanted people to understand what was going on, to know how I felt about what it was that I'd done... and what it was they were responsible for supporting. Because, in fact, I'll tell you what- If I'm drinking (alcohol), then anyone who ever dies in any accident that's alcohol related...I'm responsible for, because I'm supporting that institution, through my acts. That's how I understand it... and I understand that if I carry a gun... and I carried a gun up until 15 years ago... all the time because I was terrified to be in the world. I didn't know how to be, I didn't feel safe. In 1989 I was a teacher of the martial arts-Zen tradition with 5 schools and 500 students. At a point I had an awakening- I heard two students of different styles talking and one guy said to the other, 'My style's better than your style, because I can kick your butt..."Just like that I went, 'whoa, what am I doing here...? This isn't the way." And I stopped right there...took that step off into the unknown-it was an instinctive thing. I divested myself.

Also I'm not sitting in front of you telling you what is the way and what isn't the way- People have to find their own way... What I'm sharing is what worked for me; what I discovered along this (Buddhist) Path. What I discovered is not so much what works, but what doesn't work... and once I divested myself I was finally left face to face with my-self, with AnShin. Then I had to start doing the work of healing around the war... I tried many different paths: drugs, alcohol, material success-none of it really worked. Until I sat down- just sat and said, 'ya' know, I don't really know what to do with it" - I really took notice. 'Except I gotta' have whatever this is"-At that point I'd found myself at a Buddhist monastery of all places...I remember the invitation to go to my first Buddhist retreat, and I thought, 'Buddhist retreat? What, are you outa' your mind? What could it possibly offer me? How could some... some monk know any thing about what I went through? How could they do anything to help me?" In fact, this monk doesn't know anything about what my life was like or what I'd experienced... but it isn't about the monk. It's about that the monk is the door to the (Buddha's) Teaching... and it's through the Teaching that Liberation becomes possible.

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"Public Talk, Idylwild, CA,18 April 1999"
Claude AnShin Thomas

Siddhartha Gautama, who became Shakyamuni Buddha some 2500 years ago, was first a prince in India where his father tried to hide illness, old age and death from him by keeping him confined within the palace walls most of his life.

He eventually grew curious about these things, I mean, his father must've been growing old in front of his eyes and yet the king wasn't able to see that-so he started questioning his attendant about them. He then persuaded the attendant to violate his father's direct orders and take him outside. While walking outside they passed a funeral procession with a body all wrapped in cloth and people doing their song of mourning. Then he asked his attendant, 'What is this?" His attendant answered, 'This is death." Siddhartha had never touched on death. Although it's hard to imagine, because he was trained in many things, was a skilled archer and had gone hunting with his father. So, although he'd seen death, he didn't know what it was because he'd been sheltered from reality-he lived in a world of separateness.

At another time he snuck out of the castle and came across a person who was very thin, gaunt, and who's limbs were twisted. He said to the attendant, 'What's this?" 'It's a sick man," was the response. He was just overpowered with these images of sickness, old age, and death, and he was so moved by these experiences, that for a long period of time he sunk into a depression- that's my word...They describe it as a state of despair and sadness. And he was so moved by this state of despair and sadness, that he told his attendant 'I have to leave...I have to go and find a cure for sickness, old age and death...I have to find a way out of this."

At first his attendant was unwilling to help him, but Siddhartha told him if he didn't help him he was going to go anyway. So in fact, his attendant prepared his horse and covered his shoes with cloth so they wouldn't make any noise and he escorted him out to the edge of the city. At that point he got off his horse, took off all his clothes and his jewelry and just walked off into the wilderness. He gathered pieces of cloth from different sources, like cloth that had been used to bandage wounds, cloth that had been used to wrap the dead, and cloth that had been used for women's menstruation. He washed this cloth then buried it in the ground for a period of time. When he removed it, that's what he made his original robes from. This cloth is called "pom-suhva." In fact, all the clothes that I wear have been thrown away or have been given- I wear nothing that's been purchased...

What I see demonstrated in Siddhartha's initial steps was a commitment to wake up, a commitment to do things differently. The knowledge that there was something intrinsic in life that kept us trapped in those cycles of suffering, old age and death. And we can reach a point in our lives where the suffering of our lives becomes transformed...to where sickness, old age and death no longer become part of the cycle of suffering, but rather so much a part of the natural order of things, as these trees growing to maturity and passing away...Because everything is of the nature of dying-the recycling of all that is, the constant flow of the life-cycle. It's so difficult to see because we separate ourselves, much like in Siddhartha's younger life when his father kept him cloistered an isolated... it seems my whole life was about that-through the nature of my education in public schools, I was cloistered and isolated...

You know, I was just having a conversation with the son of someone connected with the Zen Mountain Center- he's in the navy stationed in San Diego and we were talking about the war in Kosovo. And it was very interesting to talk about it at a very pragmatic level- there is no military solution to the situation, none. And we've learned that already from our involvement in Vietnam and in other places... All these NATO forces are trying to 'bomb their way" into resolution, into peace- it's impossible, you can't do it, it doesn't work... When are we going to learn? When are we going to learn- what does it take? How many hundreds of thousands of people have to die, until we're willing to take the steps that young Siddhartha was willing to take? Really to step off into the unknown... To bear witness to the suffering in the world, which in manifest through our person... Then engage in a spiritual practice that will enable the transformation of the healing of that suffering. When are we willing to do that?

Healing doesn't come from outside. I can sit here and chant... until I'm a different shade of green, because I was told a few moments ago that I looked a little green (laughter). I could chant until I was a different shade and nothing would really change- that chanting is not going to fix things. How well I prostrate... this is not going to do it. It's my commitment to wanting to live my life differently. It's my commitment to really wake up to who I am, and live within the reality of my skin. To live with all that I am and not try to make it or shape it in any particular way- to just meet it where it is, to meet it just here.

This is what Buddhist practice empowers me to do...

As a 17 year- old boy I went to war in Vietnam...See I see myself as a 'boy" at 17. Now I engage with allot of young people, with what they call, 'young people at risk." I work with young people in gangs, who are living a violent life style and I look at them: 15, 16, 17, years old and they're 'hard" and I understand that hardness and I understand what they are attempting to do is to somehow deal with their sense of 'loss-ness," of powerlessness and the gun gives them 'juice," it gives them the illusion of power. But they're frightened boys, they're just young boys. Gosh I look at them at 17 years old and I cry. Because I can't even imagine myself at 17... I went to war at 17 and ended up a crew chief on a helicopter gun-ship and my responsibility was destruction-killing... At the age of 17 I was 'empowered" to make the decision if humans lived or died and I made it readily... and I sit here and tell you that I ideologically went to Vietnam with all these wonderful intentions. Within a week I realized it wasn't about any of that. All that nationalist rhetoric that I'd been raised and propagandized with... none of it had anything to do with what was actually happening at that time in that country. It wasn't about democracy and freedom- it was about destruction and killing, and at that point it was about survival. I've been responsible for destroying entire villages, for the deaths of all sort of sentient beings: men, women, children, animal, vegetation I had absolutely no contact with the reality of what I was doing, because I had been conditioned to see life not in an inter-connected way, but to experience life as a separate. Really I'd lost contact with my own person, because if we have contact with our self it's impossible not to recognize the inter-connectedness of all things-it's just not possible.
To live with the reality of the actions that I've been responsible for... is profound. The kind of healing that I sought was the elimination.. I thought once it's over, as I was told, you survive- it's over, you get on with your life, you're grateful...yet I wasn't grateful-I was angry, confused, isolated...and wanted people to understand what was going on, to know how I felt about what it was that I'd done... and what it was they were responsible for supporting. Because, in fact, I'll tell you what- If I'm drinking (alcohol), then anyone who ever dies in any accident that's alcohol related...I'm responsible for, because I'm supporting that institution, through my acts. That's how I understand it... and I understand that if I carry a gun... and I carried a gun up until 15 years ago... all the time because I was terrified to be in the world. I didn't know how to be, I didn't feel safe. In 1989 I was a teacher of the martial arts-Zen tradition with 5 schools and 500 students. At a point I had an awakening- I heard two students of different styles talking and one guy said to the other, 'My style's better than your style, because I can kick your butt..."Just like that I went, 'whoa, what am I doing here...? This isn't the way." And I stopped right there...took that step off into the unknown-it was an instinctive thing. I divested myself.

Also I'm not sitting in front of you telling you what is the way and what isn't the way- People have to find their own way... What I'm sharing is what worked for me; what I discovered along this (Buddhist) Path. What I discovered is not so much what works, but what doesn't work... and once I divested myself I was finally left face to face with my-self, with AnShin. Then I had to start doing the work of healing around the war... I tried many different paths: drugs, alcohol, material success-none of it really worked. Until I sat down- just sat and said, 'ya' know, I don't really know what to do with it" - I really took notice. 'Except I gotta' have whatever this is"-At that point I'd found myself at a Buddhist monastery of all places...I remember the invitation to go to my first Buddhist retreat, and I thought, 'Buddhist retreat? What, are you outa' your mind? What could it possibly offer me? How could some... some monk know any thing about what I went through? How could they do anything to help me?" In fact, this monk doesn't know anything about what my life was like or what I'd experienced... but it isn't about the monk. It's about that the monk is the door to the (Buddha's) Teaching... and it's through the Teaching that Liberation becomes possible.